Host
Tom Shelton
Podcast Content
Women were generally identified as being more likely to suffer from thinking too much, and the associated consequences. For instance, in his study of the Nicaraguan phrase pensando mucho , Yarris found the idiom conveys some moral ambivalence within a changing social context. If you consistently come away from interactions with your head spinning about things that you ought to say--but did not--it might suggest you are unduly affected by worries about how others are thinking. Perhaps your followers or neighbors would hold lower opinions of you if they thought of you -- but probably do not.
At some level, it is good that we are concerned about how others view us. We care so much about others because our own happiness depends on the quality of our relationships. Our worries about how others perceive us come from a fear that we might lack friends or close relationships. These emotions come up when we question how badly others should feel about us.
Research shows we constantly overestimate the amount people think about us and our flaws, leading to excessive self-doubt and poorer quality of life. If we were purely logical creatures, we would realize that our fears of other peoples opinions are exaggerated, and are rarely worth worrying about. Research shows we constantly overestimate how much, and badly, others think of our shortcomings. The irony in feeling bad about ourselves because of how others may see us is that others actually have far less opinions of us--positively or negatively--than we think.
I realize that, if you are already thinking negative thoughts about yourself, being told you are an egotist, even a deviant one, may not seem like the best thing to happen to you today. Of course, the irony is, if youave got a poor sense of self-worth, you might actually think highly of yourself. The next time you are feeling self-conscious, notice if you are thinking of yourself. Knowing this will free your mind up to care less about how others see you.
Recognizing behaviors helps you to be slightly more compassionate with others, reducing the anxiety you feel about others opinions of you. First, others will naturally like you better when you are nice and caring; therefore, you will not have to worry so much about what others think of you. One of the reasons that acting has magical, powerful, and graceful effects is because it helps you to concentrate on the goals that you are trying to achieve, instead of on what others think of you. One definition of the verb thought is to look at someone, or hold an opinion about someone.
In trying to force on others conformity that most American intellectuals have insisted upon within their ranks, expressed only in boilerplate ritualized cant, the contemporary intelligentsia is made up of people to whom little learning is pleasant. Todays gravest problem, destroying all others reflectiveness, is that a substantial fraction of intelligentsia--the lumpen intelligentsia--cannot think. The nations most important problem, which renders other major problems unsolvable, is that much of the present intelligentsia is unintelligent.
Perhaps you believe that you are going to meet divine retribution or karmic justice for holding strong opinions about others, but those lessons are equally important as long as we are here on earth. We think little of democracy created a situation where many in central and eastern Europe thought far more favorably of Americans than they did of Western Europe.