Eps 1: If you focus on control, you have lost the battle
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Host
Ruby Ferguson
Podcast Content
Family lawyers that specialize in divorce for men and dads rights, like the lawyers at Cordell & Cordell, have unique insight into the challenges fathers face during this entire process, and they can help set you up for success during a child custody battle.
If it feels like you are locked into a battle of wills, it is useful to think about your childrens needs for autonomy. A good place to start is by asking your child about what he knows, and what he is feeling.
You might be feeling burned out by lying awake at night worrying about where your children are, who they are with, and what they are doing. From screen time to teenage rebelliousness, it is easy to feel like kids are drifting away from you. The authors feeling of children sliding from the grip of adults, becoming something of a lost generation, will resonate with parents, particularly those struggling with too much screen time or alienation in their teens.
Many parents have felt their children spinning out of control at one point or another. Kids who are out of control will refuse to listen, will break rules, and cannot be bothered with consequences. Either way, kids inability to cooperate does not mean that they do not have self-control.
Once a disruptive kid sees that you are serious about following through on consequences, chances are, his or her behavior will settle down. When you begin to impose consequences, the out-of-control child will resist. Otherwise, your child will revert back to the old behaviors while being out-of-control. If you are not managing your childs behaviors when he is younger, it is going to be difficult for him to learn to control himself when he is older and you are out of the picture.
This behavior may result in parent alienation, which may have a very detrimental impact on the children. When the childs mother keeps a child away from their father, there may be a case of parental alienation, which has severe consequences. When kids do not trust their parents to maintain order, they are going to be in a lot of pain. Children feel safer when they trust their parents to be good leaders that can establish and enforce rules.
Anytime we require kids to follow rules, we are encouraging them to build self-control. Whether it is your health behaviors or how you treat others, your kids are learning by what you do. We can help kids build that kind of resiliency and resolve by being mindful with our feedback.
Work on changing the things that are within your control, rather than worrying, focusing too much, and trying to control the kids who are acting out. If you are feeling out of control with your kid, take steps to take back control.
The good news is, if you are susceptible to emotional eating, you can take steps to take back control over your eating habits and get back on track toward your weight loss goals. If you have tried self-help options and you are still not managing your emotional eating, consider contacting a mental health professional for therapy. Therapy may also help you find out whether or not you have an eating disorder, which may be related to emotional eating.
This too can result in unhealthy cycles: Your emotions cause you to eat too much, you beat yourself up for getting off the weight-loss path, you feel worse, and you overeat again. In fact, your emotions may become so linked to your eating habits that you automatically reach for the snack every time you are feeling angry or stressed, without thinking about what you are doing.
Problems and responsibility may be weighting you down, making you feel angry about a trap that you appear to be falling into, and all of the people and things that are creating this trap. Many families are struggling with challenging, acting-out kids that act as though nothing matters to them, and this, in turn, makes it hard for you to feel confused and lost.
If both parents are focused on their children and not on themselves, then they will never get around to fixing their problems or dysfunctional patterns - the child, over-focused, will instead create problems. If the two parents fail to address this issue in a timely manner, Chloe may continue to respond to intensity, acting out more and more -- and adults will start focusing on her.
The children should feel free to talk with one or both parents whenever they want. Choose a time and place where it is natural for you to raise the issue, and it is likely that your child will be more comfortable talking freely, like during family meals.
In contrast, kids benefit when parents talk with them about how they are feeling, demonstrate empathy, and discuss constructive ways of dealing with the situation. While there are plenty of useful techniques parents can use with their kids--in fact, the book "Empowering Parents" is filled with articles to help you be an effective parent--Debbie Pincus wants to look at the issue today from a slightly different perspective. DEIDRE cannot help wondering what a lot of things, even basics such as heat and some daylight, parents are supposed to know, yet they have learned - or been taught - to ignore. A professional can probably give you and your children interventions, skills, and support to help you take back control of your home.