Host
Corey Hopkins
Podcast Content
When either one of you ends up breaking a promise, the first thing either one can do is have a conversation about it with each other. For instance, one of the ways that you can encourage your partner to stick to his or her word is to say no when he or she makes a promise that he or she cannot follow through on. Often breaking promises also causes your partner to view you as a person who does not keep his or her promises, which affects your relationship overall. One of the more important consequences of breaking promises that you have made to your partner is that they are likely to lose their trust in you, sometimes causing your relationship irreparably.
Studies have shown that keeping promises has great emotional value -- when we break these agreements, there is a drop-off in trust. Brain studies have shown that breaking promises actually registers on our brain activity, showing up as an emotional conflict to promise-breakers, stemming from repression of their integrity.
Trust is also a big building block for good marriages, meaning being a trustworthy partner that always keeps your promises could be the difference between a successful and struggling marriage. Keeping your words and keeping to your promises helps reinforce the confidence that your spouse has in you. If up until this point, you and/or your partner have not been great at keeping your promises as both a spouse, then make improving this your goal.
If you have changed your mind and you are unwilling to honor the promises, you should honestly tell your spouse about why you thought you made the promises in the first place, and why you are now not going to keep them. When you make a commitment to your spouse, or you say that you are going to do something for your spouse or the family, and then do not keep the commitment, you are disappointing your spouse and damaging your marriage. Not keeping your word means that your spouses partners are losing their trust in you, and that is devastating for your marriage and puts you at risk of getting a divorce.
If you know that you cannot make good on a promise, let your partner know ASAP, and make clear why you cannot deliver. The problem with making promises in your head alone is there is no accountability, no accountability partner, and no consequences for failing to deliver. It is better to make a commitment and fail than make one and not make it.
We would love to keep promises we make to them, but we often simply cannot deliver. Yet, for most of us, when it comes to the promises that we make every day, we typically break more of them than we keep. No childs life is without frustration, but we can minimize some of it by keeping our promises.
Not only does breaking promises disappoint those to whom we promised, but doing so can also hurt a little of our own self-esteem. While failing to follow through on a promise does not necessarily mean that people are not good people or partners, it still has the potential to have a significant, negative impact on your relationship. Partners Do Not Want to Make the Promise In the First Place Sometimes, people make promises simply to reassure a partner or stop an argument, but do not actually want to keep them, might disagree, or think they are being unfair, says Ashley Thorn.
In a drunken example, a couple will talk about how her husband might follow through on a promise, and how the other partner might support it , he said. Make sure that promise feels sensible and realistic to the couples that are with you, said Ashley Thorne. Another way to keep both from breaking promises is to set an example, particularly if breaking promises has become a relationship habit. Breaking promises is the fastest way to ruin your relationships .
Breaking promises is one of the easiest ways to erode the trust and confidence that you worked so hard to establish, but life happens. If you make a promise to someone, or God, and break it, repent and learn from your mistakes. Sometimes you might have to amend the promise if it is not serving anyone anymore, but making and keeping promises on a regular basis keeps you constantly connected to your deeper wholeness and to your more open heart.
Keeping your promises to yourself is just as important as keeping them to your boss, your partner, or your precious friends. Your children will notice if you follow through on your promises to others, but fail to do so with them. If your friends, TV and hobbies are contributing to your failure to deliver on promises to your children, then it is time to make promises.
At the very least, I want you to make note of your promises, whether they are signing up for a club, making plans to see friends, or exploring another career. That way, when you say no to the new promise, you are saying yes to investing in the promises you already made. With that said, here are a few tips to help you and your partner work through the consequences of broken promises, and enable you both to move past them.