Eps 1527: what is love
— The too lazy to register an account podcast
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Host
Madison Walker
Podcast Content
To help you figure out what the meaning of love is in relationships, here are a few signs that the emotions you are feeling are really aligned with the concept of love. Defining love as action, not emotion, helps clarify the difference between emotions that you might be feeling towards different things, and helps to describe the relationships that you have with things that you love. Love is not simply the emotion that people have towards others, it is also a complicated bonding together of emotions two or more people share; it is a particular form of emotional interdependence.
For some, love is not simply being interested physically in someone, but emotional attachment. Love feels good, and when you are feeling attracted to someone, that is all the feeling that comes through that you think that you are trying to love, and love, and love. Romantic attraction does not translate directly to love right away -- it is the feeling that you have when you think, Wow, I am attracted to this person, and see him or her as a person that you might be interested in having a relationship with.
Another big reason to not conflate love and lust is because although you may be feeling the desire, the other person may be looking for more. Especially at the beginning stages of the relationship, it may be hard to distinguish between love and lust. There is nothing wrong with feeling both love and lust, or only one of the two, but it could be wrong to make someone think that you are on the same page when that is not true, and to hurt them in the process. While it is inevitable for people to feel certain negative emotions associated with love, this could be problematic if these negative feelings overwhelm the positive ones, or if they begin to impair either persons ability to function properly.
While love is associated with many positive emotions, it may also come along with many negative feelings. It is associated with a range of positive emotions including joy, excitement, life satisfaction, and euphoria, but can also lead to negative emotions like jealousy and stress. How loved is felt depends on a clustering of feelings and qualities that are most valuable to each individual. While most people agree that love involves intense feelings of attachment, there are a number of differences in its exact meaning, and the expression "I love you" may mean something very different for one person than for another.
What does love mean, you could summarize, is a feeling of strong exhilaration and profound attachment to someone or something. While nearly nobody can agree on a singular definition of love, most people do agree that love plays an important role in both mental and physical wellbeing. No matter where you fall on the spectrum, if your love life is blissful or lacking, it is clear that each person has opinions about love and what it means in healthy relationships.
For couples in long-term relationships, love means loyalty and commitment, but for college students at the heart of their first real relationships, love can seem messy and difficult. Many who are struggling in relationships are really having trouble adapting to an inevitable stream of love. Well, relationships are not simple, because love is not something that we just receive; it is a subtle, transient emotion that comes and goes, evolves over time, and feels differently depending on the quality of the human bond. Love that is enamored is not actually a good kind of love, because, well, oftentimes, we allow our enamored feelings to be at the core of a relationship, which can mean you are focused more on the idea of being in love, or on the idea of a relationship, rather than on the actual relationship itself.
Passionate love involves feelings of passionate, intense desire for someone, so much so that they may think obsessively about wanting to be in their arms. In love includes all the above, but it also involves feelings of sexual excitement and attraction. Love really does include sexual chemistry, but is different in that it is an emotion that takes time to develop.
Eros refers to sexual love, which is focused on physical attraction and engaging in sexual activity, developing intense, passionate feelings for another quickly, and closeness. It is no wonder that individuals who endorse this style of love are less likely to be committed, comfortable ending relationships, and will often begin new relationships before ending their current ones. People with insecure attachment styles, which include high needs for affirmation and concern about ones romantic partner, endorse erosive love most, whereas people uncomfortable with closeness and intimate relationships do not endorse erosive love.
Manic love involves strong feelings toward ones partner, along with anxiety over commitment in a relationship. While individuals generally consider the person they love as likable, loving is marked by devotion, possession, and trusting in the other person. Helping another feel loved involves communicating this love to them, either by words or actions. Some ways of doing this type of helping involve showing you care, making them feel special, telling them that they are loved, and doing things for them.
This is a form of loving which commits the individual to an intent of loving action, with no expectation of reward, or even despite the emotions that are naturally present. Love may include personal attachment, sexual attraction, platonic admiration, fraternal devotion, benign concern, or adoring adoration.